The phrase “life on your terms” is not one I would use normally but it came up in conversation recently with a client. He had been asked this by his partner, who obviously recognized that he was going through some stress. The question she asked him was:
“Are you living your life on your terms, and if not, whose terms determine your life?”
I thought it was a brilliant question. I asked him why did he think that his partner asked him that question, and, to my surprise he was really quick to respond that the basis for the question was that he continuously set himself really well thought out goals, but then gave up on them very early on.
We talked quite a bit about his goals and we agreed that his goals were really well thought out, were well written in terms of clarity and precision, and were really important to him and his life. So, if all of this was so well done, why was he not achieving them? Particularly why was he giving up each time so early in the process?
This is a scenario I come across time and time again and I am passionate about working with you to facilitate you to break through and achieve their goals, and live life on your terms. That is why my mantra is – coaching for success!
My ambition for all of you is to live your life on your terms, but to do that you have to drive forward and have a growth mentality.
Going back to my client, after much delving we recognized the issue. He was really good at identifying important goals, getting crystal clear as to the detail of the goals, and what it would mean to him to achieve them. So if all of this was so good, why did he give up so early? I knew that the clue was just there – getting sidetracked so early on and we need to discover why this was the recurring pattern.
After a lot of digging over the course of a few sessions, we uncovered the issue that was his blockage and was the answer to his partners’ question about “not living your life on your terms”
The answer was that he could not face failure. So as long as he had not really started on the goals, because, as he said, “life took over and I never got around to working on delivery”, then, in his own eyes he had not failed because his unconscious excuse was – how can you stop life getting in the way!
His mindset was that failure was not an option and had to be avoided at all costs. That is a dangerous mindset because failure is not only an option, it is a necessity. Research has clearly shown that the most successful people succeed somewhere between 50 – 70% of the time, and not 100% of the time as this client believes. Failure, properly embraced, leads to growth and you growth is an essential element of achieving goals.
My client sabotaged his own success through fear of failure rather then seeing failure as a critical element of success achievement. Moving out of our comfort zone and failing regularly builds us up – as long as we learn from them.
So, if you want to live your life on your terms, then set your goals, embrace failure and plough on!